Safety Saturdays (#7) - Tips for Keeping Kids Safe Online and Offline

CYBERBULLYING - Talent Show

Cyberbullying is using technology, such as email, text messaging, blogs, and websites, to spread rumors and gossip; post pictures of someone without their consent; and/or embarrass, threaten, or harass someone. It can be easier for kids to bully in cyberspace because there is no face to face contact, they can be anonymous, and they do not see the immediate consequences to their actions.

According to a recent study,* 19% of teens report being harassed or bullied online. Among 16- and 17-year-olds, the incidence is 23%. Online harassment is particularly disturbing for children because 85% of cases happen in the comfort of their homes. Also, in 44% of cases, it is their peers who are harassing them.**

What can you do?

• Teach children not to respond to rude and harassing emails, messages, and postings.
• Save messages and other evidence, in case the situation escalates.
• If the harassment continues, have your child delete their current accounts and give new information only to a few people they know they can trust.
• Remind your kids to respect other people's privacy and feelings and not to be cyberbullies themselves.
• If you feel like your child is in immediated danger, contact your local law-enforcement agency.

Where can you find more information?

• Stop Cyberbullying provides information for parents and educators, plus age specific information for kids, ages 7-10, 11-13, 14-17.
• A project in Canada, which is helping kids who are dealing with the issues of bullying and teasing, provides further information about cyberbullying through one of their websites and an information sheet.
• NetSmartz Workshop provides on- and offline learning activities for parents to facilitate discussions with their children and teens about Internet safety, including cyberbullying.
• NetSmartz411 is parents' and guardians' premier, online resource for answering questions about Internet safety, computers, and the Web.

Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is a particular topic that you would like to see covered in a future post. (If you are not familiar with blogging, you can still leave a comment below. Just click the anonymous button and type your comment in the text box provided.) Click on the "Safety Saturdays" label to the left to get more safety tips.

*Cox communications Inc., National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, and John Walsh. Teen Internet Safety Survey, Wave II. 2007

**Online Victimization of Youth: Five Years Later, National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, 2006.

Cause to Pause

A series of events over the past week have led to an interruption in my writing. We found out that the office where I work may close, which could mean that I will lose my job. We are supposed to find out more details next week. My husband had severe neck pain this weekend. Luckily, it was not more serious than a muscle strain, but it is hard to see him in pain.

In some ways, my life feels out of control right now. It was so great to read Lysa TerKeurst's post today to remind me that I can see signs of God being in control in spring flowers blooming. I know God will provide, and I am excited to see what He has planned next. Yet, I am still a bit anxious.

I have many thoughts surrounding these circumstances that I want share when I have more time. For now, I simply request prayers for my husband's continued healing and for me to trust in God and seek His will and guidance during this uncertain time. Blessings!

You...It's so simple

When I hear "You" by Britt Nicole, I turn the volume up and sing my heart out. I love the song. The video below displays the lyrics durinf the song. As I watched it today, I found these words particularly moving, "So no more getting caught in the middle. No more waiting for what is unsure. Back to Your love so true and so simple. Don't understate it or complicate it. It's so simple, yeah, it's so simple."

Britt Nicole "YOU"

Happy Easter! Peace be with you.

Safety Saturdays (#6) - Tips for Keeping Kids Safe Online and Offline

THINK BEFORE YOU POST

As of March 2007, 71% of teens have created online profiles, and 64% of teens post photos or videos of themselves.* Teens often post information only intended for friends, not realizing that it can be viewed by anyone. Check this post for safety tips relating to teens creating a profile or webpage on a social networking site, such as MySpace, Facebook, or Xanga, or through another service.

Here are some safety tips for posting photos and videos:

• Approve all photos and videos before your children upload them onto the internet.
• Keep in mind that videos and photos may be saved or forwarded to others.
• Remember photos can be printed.
• Make sure the background of the video or photo does not reveal information that can identify the child's identity or location, such as a school name, mall name, or a license plate number.
• Do not to post sexually provocative or inappropriate photos. It can give people the wrong impression.
• Remind your child what they post now could affect their reputation, now and in the future. Would they want their parents, future employer, or a college recruiter to see the information? Employers and college recruiters are increasingly searching the internet for information on potential candidates.
• Find out if your child's friends are posting videos or photos of your child.

If you allow your children to use a webcam, help them know how to use it safely. Teach children to think before revealing themselves on video because it is impossible to predict how it might be used to embarrass or exploit them. Someone looking to exploit a child may start by making small suggestions that seem harmless. They save the webcam videos (or photos sent to them). Then, they move onto larger requests and tell the child if he or she does not comply, the videos/photos will be sent to family, friends, or broadcast over the internet.

Where can you find more information?

• GetNetWise offers detailed instructions on how to make information more private in MySpace, Xanga, and Facebook.
• NetSmartz Workshop provides on- and offline learning activities for parents to facilitate discussions with their children and teens about Internet safety.
• NetSmartz411 is parents' and guardians' premier, online resource for answering questions about Internet safety, computers, and the Web.

Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is a particular topic that you would like to see covered in a future post. (If you are not familiar with blogging, you can still leave a comment below. Just click the anonymous button and type your comment in the text box provided.) Click on the "Safety Saturdays" label to the left to get more safety tips.

*Cox communications Inc., National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, and John Walsh. Teen Internet Safety Survey, Wave II. 2007

Safety Scissors + Creative 4-year-old = Double Trouble

My daughter loves arts and crafts projects. She has grown particularly fond of using "safety scissors." Recently, she decided her doll needed a new hairstyle. Then, she gave her My Little Pony's mane and tail a short, spikey cut.

I allowed her to do this to her toys. Apparently, I should have set clearer boundaries. Later, she asked me to repair a hole in her bear. She confessed that she cut the hole to see what was inside.

Did these events lead me to hide the "safety scissors?" No, the scissors STILL seemed more safe than hazardous to me. I underestimated the ingenuity of my daughter.

My husband found a clump of hair in our daughter's playroom. He thought it was from one of her dolls and asked where it came from. She casually replied, "Oh, that's my hair. It was hanging in my face. I cut it, so I could see."

She now has some funky bangs. Luckily, they are still long enough to pin back in a barrett or pull back in a headband. All safety scissors in the home are NOW secured. They can be dangerous in the hands of a creative 4-year-old.

Safety Saturdays #5 - Tips for Keeping Kids Safe Online and Offline

The street entering our neighborhood widens with a park/playground fenced in the middle. One year ago today, on my way to work , I turned onto the street to find it blocked by police cars. A tarp covered the entire playground equipment, and the area was surrounded by crime scene tape.

My heart sank. The playground in the middle of our safe neighborhood is surrounded by homes. School buses pick up kids all around it. How can the playground be a crime scene?

I later learned that a young lady, who had just turned 16 about a week earlier, died by suicide that morning. She and her family lived less than a block from the playground. I did not know them, but my heart still breaks for them.

I frequently pray for the family, who moved out of our neighborhood. I pray God has brought them peace. I wish I could do something more. Maybe the information below will help someone else.

According to the Center for Disease Control, suicide is the third leading cause of death for youth and young adults between the ages of 10 and 24 in the United States. It results in approximately 4,600 lives of young people lost each year. We all must be alert to anyone who is potentially suicidal, and get them the help that they need as soon as possible.

This is a partial list of Suicide Warning Signs:

• Appearing depressed or sad most of the time.(Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.)


• Expressing hopelessness.


• Frequently complaining about headaches, stomachaches, etc.


• Inability to concentrate.


• Withdrawing from family and friends.


• Making statements such as these:
  "I can't go on any longer."
  "There's no point to this stupid life."
  "Everyone would be better off without me."
  "I don't care about anything anymore."
  "I want to die."
  --And any mention of suicide--


• Writing notes or poems about suicide or death.


• Losing interest in most activities.


• Giving away prized possessions.


• Being preoccupied with death or dying.

Suicide can be prevented if people get help. Here are some resources.

Facts for Families - Teen Suicide American of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
Let's Talk Facts about Teen Suicide American Psychiatric Association

Next week, I will return to the series about online safety. This was just heavy on my heart today.

Organizational Tip

I am participating in Lysa's Swap and Hop on organizing. My tip could be applied to any collection of papers and brochures. I love to get new ideas on activities for my daughter. I cut articles out of magazines, and print information I find online. I also have a collection of brochures on museums, nature centers, playzones, and parks. I used to keep it all in an accordion folder. The papers had a place to go, but I never looked at them again because it was cumbersome to flip through it.

I decided to organize all the papers in a 3 ring binder. I made tabs for different sections, such as crafts, activities, science, music, nature, and cultural. I placed the brochures in dividers with pockets.

We actually use it. If I did not have this notebook, the information would go into our sophisticated organization system in our study - PILES. This is what our study looks like when we clean up all the papers lying around the kitchen, dining room, and family room. We could clearly benefit from tips on getting AND keeping it organized.

Countermeasure for Chaos

Do you ever feel you need a countermeasure for the chaos in your life? Maybe you need to break a habit or addiction. Maybe you have unhealthy relationships. Maybe you long for emotional, spiritual, or physical healing.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our hurt, habit, fear, addiction, distress, or anxiety that we get used to it. We may not realize we find some comfort in the disorder because it is what we know. Restoration may take us into unchartered waters that we would rather not navigate.

I want to share what I learned recently from a powerful sermon about moving out of the turmoil in your life. The minister spoke from John 5: 1-9.

Jesus asked the man, who had been ill for 38 years, "Do you wish to get well?" The man really does not answer Jesus. He gives Jesus excuses as to why he could not get into the water to be made well. What was behind his excuses? Had he become complacent? Was he insecure or afraid? Was he just so tired of trying that he felt defeated?

Jesus was not concerned with his excuses. Jesus did not focus on how long the man had been ill. Jesus told him to just walk. Instantly, the man was healed and walking.

The pain, excuses, fear, or anything else that hindered us will not hinder Jesus. If we dare to obey the instruction of Jesus, he can heal us. Take a step off the path of chaos onto the path of divine order that will lead to God given destiny.

Would you like to get well? Is there something hindering your healing? Stand up....and walk.

Then Sings My Soul

Amy at Signs, Miracles and Wonders is hosting Then Sings My Soul Saturdays. You write about a song that touches you. The video below of "Let Go" by Dewayne Woods really speaks to me. Often when I feel out of control, I am trying to be too much in control myself. I listen to this song to remember, "As soon as I stop worrying, worrying how the story ends. I let go, and I let God, let God have his way. That's when things start happening." Enjoy!

Safety Saturdays (#4) - Tips for Keeping Kids Safe Online and Offline

THINK BEFORE YOU POST

UPDATE: I am reposting this to update the link to the video.

A social networking site, such as MySpace, Facebook, or Xanga, is a place where teens can connect with others and create a page or profile. As of March 2007, 71% of teens have created online profiles; up from 61% in 2006.* Teens often post information only intended for friends, not realizing that it can be viewed by anyone. Once internet, the information can also be copied.

Find out if your teen has created a profile or webpage on a social networking site or through another service. If they have or plan to post information on the internet, review the potential risks. Here are some safety tips and discussion points:

• Set their profile to private.
• Restrict preferences so that search engines cannot access their profile/page.
• Only add people they know in real life to their friends/buddy list. Don't add a friend of friend if you don't know them personally.
• Do not post personally identifying information, such as their full name, phone number, school, places they hang out, or their schedule.
• Would they want their parents, future employer, or a college recruiter to read the information? Employers and college recruiters are increasingly searching the internet for information on potential candidates. What teens post now could affect their reputation, not only now but in the future.
• Don't post information about others that they would not want posted about themselves.
• Be mindful of information posted because even friends can become ex-friends and use information against them.

Where can you find more information?

• GetNetWise offers detailed instructions on how to make information more private in MySpace, Xanga, and Facebook.
• NetSmartz Workshop provides on- and offline learning activities for parents to facilitate discussions with their children and teens about Internet safety.
• NetSmartz411 is parents' and guardians' premier, online resource for answering questions about Internet safety, computers, and the Web.

Next week, I will talk about posting pictures and videos. Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is a particular topic that you would like to see covered in a future post. (If you are not familiar with blogging, you can still leave a comment below. Just click the anonymous button and type your comment in the text box provided.) Click on the "Safety Saturdays" topic to the left to get more safety tips.

*Cox communications Inc., National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, and John Walsh. Teen Internet Safety Survey, Wave II. 2007

Recipe Swap and Hop

I am participating in a recipe swap today. If you hopped over to my blog from Lysa Terkeurst's blog, welcome! I hope you will look around and visit again.

Quick and Easy Crock Pot Lasagna

Nonstick cooking spray
1 lb. bulk sweet Italian sausage (turkey or beef)
1 26oz. jar of tomato/basil pasta sauce
1/2 cup of water
12 no-boil lasagna noodles
1 15oz. container of ricotta cheese
1 8oz. package of shredded Italian blend cheeses

Lightly coat the inside of a 3.5 to 4 qt. slow cooker with cooking spray. In a skillet, cook sausage over mediam heat until brown. Drain fat. (If using sausage links, cut sausage and return to skillet.) Stir in pasta sauce and water.

Place a cup of the meat mixture in the bottom of the prepared cooker. Layer four of the noddles, broken to fit, on top of the meat mixture. Top with one-third of the ricotta cheese, one-third of the remaining meat mixture, and one-third of the shredded cheese.

Repeat layers twice, starting with noodles and ending with meat mixture. Set remaining cheese aside. Cover and cook on low-heat setting for 4 to 6 hours or on high-heat setting for 2 to 3 hours. Uncover; sprinkle lasagna with remaining shredded cheese. Let stand, uncovered, for 15 minutes before serving.

Enjoy the tasty recipe! If you want to check out other recipes and blogs, be sure to visit Lysa's blog.

Hope Quote Contest at God's Work In Progress

Click on the picture to check out the contest that Amy B. is hosting at her blog - God's Work In Progress, which focuses on hope. You may win a book about hope. I love quotes and cannot wait to see what people post.

God's Pumice Stone

I subscribe to a weekly newsletter from Valerie Burton. This week she wrote that if you keep receiving the same message over and over, maybe God is trying to tell you something. Lysa Terkeurst told a beautiful story on her blog on Tuesday about God using her to speak to someone that she did not know. Their words opened my heart this week to listen for God to speak to me.

I have thought about writing a book about motherhood to include questions I receive, usually from strangers, about having a bi-racial child. I had begun to doubt the validity of the concept for the book. I was not sure how to delve deeper into the topic. I prayed for God to direct my writing.

Yesterday, a woman flagged me down on the street to give me a "tip" about caring for my daughter's hair. After what could be described as a pleasant exchange, she asked, "I wasn't too abrasive, was I?" I said no. Abrasive seemed too harsh a word to describe her actions.

More importantly, I did not want to continue a conversation I viewed as potentially harmful to my daughter. As she gets older, I worry about how she will interpret these interactions. I do not want her to think something is wrong with her or her beautiful curly hair.

When I told my husband about the encounter, it struck him as a little funny that the woman saw a "white" woman with a "black" child and wanted to help her out in caring for her hair. I said, "What's funny about that?" He said, "At least it is someone trying to be helpful instead of hateful." I replied, "Don't you think it is a little offensive that she thinks I do not know how to care for my child's hair." He had not looked at it that way but could not fully understand why it was upsetting to me. He suggested venting about it in my book. (Maybe God is trying to tell me something.)

One of the definitions for abrasive is "tending to annoy or cause ill will." If I was the same race as the woman on the street, I do not think she would have felt the need to enlighten me. Her assumption that I do not know how to care for my daughter's hair because we are not the same race definitely irritated me.

If I see these types of encounters strictly in terms of race, I cannot preserve my daughter's childhood innocence that does not see a race conscious world. She will be more influenced by my reaction than by the encounter. Ultimately, it is not about me. (Maybe God is trying to tell me something.)

Another definition for abrasive is "a substance used for smoothing or polishing." Yes, the woman was abrasive. God used her to smooth the callous that was forming on my heart. He used her to polish my perspective and my writing.

Safety Saturdays (#3) - Tips for Keeping Kids Safe Online and Offline

Online Sexual Exploitation – Exchange

In 2006, The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children conducted a study of youth ages 10 to 17 to document online experiences. 1 in 3 children reported unwanted exposure to sexually explicit pictures. 1 in 7 children received an unwanted sexual solicitation or approach.

Online predators begin communicating with teens through chat rooms, instant messaging, and social networking sites. They take time to learn what interest teens today. They may communicate with several teens at the same time. Keep in mind that some offenders target males.

The ultimate goal of an online predator is to meet the teen in person. They devote a tremendous amount of time to manipulating the teen into trusting them. They can be extremely patient in this process. They offer teens attention and affection.

They are good listeners, listening for vulnerabilities they can use to exploit the teen. Is the teen flattered that someone older is interested in her/him? Does the teen feel misunderstood, lonely, isolated, rebellious? Has the teen expressed some curiousity about sex?

Although some people on the internet immediately initiate sexually explicit conversation, others may seek to lower a young person's inhibitions by slowly introducing sexual conversations. Offenders may send pornographic pictures to the teen. They also may request sexual pictures of the teen.

They may progress to using other means of communication, such as the phone, text messaging, or the mail. They often tell teen to keep relationship secret, saying other people will not understand. They may send the teen gifts, even plane tickets to visit them. If the person is closer to the teen's age, the teen may not fully understand the dangers to meeting the person offline.

What Are Some Behaviors that Can Put Your Child at Risk?

• Using a screenname that identifies their gender and age.
• Giving out personal information, such as full name, age, phone number, or school name, by sending it and/or posting it.
• Having a public profile that can be viewed by anyone on the internet.
• Adding people to their friends or buddy lists that they do not know offline.
• Posting or sending suggestive or provocative pictures.
• Communicating with people they do not know offline.
• Talking about sex with people they only know online.
• Agreeing to meet someone in person that they only "know" online.

What Can You Do to Protect Your Child?

• Communicate with your child about potential dangers.
• Teach them to trust their instincts and talk to you if something makes them feel scared, uncomfortable or confused.
• Make sure they know it is not their fault if they encounter a problem.
• Know what they are doing on line.
• Keep computer in common area rather than child's bedroom.
• Monitor your child's accounts.
• Consider parental controls available through your internet service provider, operating system, and/or monitoring software.
• Check safeguards of other places child can be online, such as library, school, friend's house.
• Be aware that an internet predator may also use other means of communication - phone, mail, text messaging.
• Check your phone bills for calls to/from numbers you do not recognize, especially long distance nubmers. Your child may not give out their number, but the offender may give out his.
• Report incidents of child exploitation to The CyberTipline or call 1-800-843-5678. Information will be forwarded to law enforcement for review and when appropriate, to internet service provider.

Where can you find more information?

• A Parent's Guide to Internet Safety from the FBI.
• NetSmartz Workshop provides on- and offline learning activities for parents to facilitate discussions with their children and teens about Internet safety.
• NetSmartz411 is parents' and guardians' premier, online resource for answering questions about Internet safety, computers, and the Web.

Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is a particular topic that you would like to see covered in a future post. (If you are not familiar with blogging, you can still leave a comment below. Just click the anonymous button and type your comment in the text box provided.)